Careers
Come work at a place that kind of hates itself.
One (1) open role. No, you cannot apply for Jake's job. We've tried.
Why work here?
You probably won't. But if, hypothetically, you did:
- Unlimited PTO — you'll need it
- Equity — in what, legally, we can't say
- Health insurance — covers injuries sustained from rolling your eyes too hard
- Dental — we'll cover one (1) visit if Jake makes you grind your teeth through it
- Remote-first — honestly, we don't want you here either
- Learning & development stipend — $0, but you'll learn a lot
- Free lunch — Jake ate it
Open roles (1)
Anyone Who Isn't Jake · Remote · Competitive
We are hiring exactly one person. The job is: be anyone except Jake.
Responsibilities: existing; not being Jake; ideally, explaining things to Jake so we don't have to.
Requirements: valid government-issued ID; proof you are not Jake; light acquaintance with regret.
Nice to have: hand-eye coordination; a functioning moral compass; ability to say "no" out loud.
Apply → · Applications are reviewed by Jake, which is why we're still hiring.
Closed roles (permanently)
- VP of Sighing — filled, fired, filled, fired, filled
- Senior Eye-Rolling Engineer — filled; currently eye-rolling full-time
- Staff Disappointment Architect — was never open; we just like the title
- Chief Vibes Officer — position abolished after CVO met Jake
- Jake — permanently unavailable. We've looked into it.
Interview process
- Recruiter screen — someone from our team sighs at you for 30 minutes
- Hiring manager round — Jake joins, briefly, to "vibe check"
- On-site — we disappoint you in person, across 4 back-to-back sessions
- Values round — can you endure Jake? Demonstrated, not asked.
- Offer — extended, retracted, re-extended, renegotiated downward
"Honestly, it was the best interview experience I've ever ghosted." — A candidate, LinkedIn
Questions? careers@jakesux.xyz. We respond in 3-5 business sighs.